The picture above is part of a song I’ve written. It’s a raw glimpse into my heart as I have been navigating grief.
Grief is weird. I was at a young adult event at my church tonight and afterwards, I saw one of the pastors with one of his grandchildren. It was a small moment between a grandpa and a grandchild. It was a moment that was probably insignificant to most people, but it was significant to me. I teared up at the realization that I’ll never get to see my dad have those moments with my kids. Even now, as I type this, I’m tearing up. I wish grief was a one and done thing. My life would be so much easier if it was. The reality is that grief is an unpredictable process that I have to walk through with God. Breath by breath and step-by-step. Each day, I have a decision to make. Am I going to go deep and invite God into my grief or am I going to withdraw and keep God at arm’s-length?
Dad has been gone for three months now. One thing I’ve learned is that distractions and avoidance only lasts so long; especially when God is involved. Grief was always meant to be a process, not a destination. God brings us through. It’s not permanent. It’s not supposed to be a place we stay, though many people unfortunately do. It’s not a destination. It’s not a place we set up camp. I’m learning that there’s no rushing this process. It will take as long as it takes. However, I know this isn’t a place I’ll stay. I can trust God to bring me through. I can trust that my pain won’t be in vain. Once God brings me through, He will use me to help others too.
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